The phone woke me this morning, with a nurse from the hospital on the other end of the line. She told me that Spouse had gotten some bad news this morning and he wanted to talk to me, desperately. It was something about what his doctor told him and he was very upset. So, I had her connect me with his room and soon, someone answered the phone for him and held it to his ear.
While I was on the phone with him, my phone beeped (I'm really starting to loathe anything that beeps), so I put him on hold to take the other call. It was his doctor, a nice woman, I think, from the tone of her voice. She made sure I was sitting down and asked if I had spoken to my husband yet. Yes, and he had shared what he understood, enough that he was afraid and crying. So, I asked her to tell me exactly what is going on, please.
You've got to understand that I appreciate honesty, even if the truth is painful, far more than being jerked around with blinders on. Limbo is for pussies & I don't even like to go there. Life is too short, too fragile for folks to hem & haw about important things. So, for this doctor to kindly, but clearly, inform me of Spouse's condition, is a huge blessing, no matter how hard it was to tell me & for me to hear it.
She told me that while Spouse was doing so well on Friday, for some reason, his liver has now begun the shutdown process. It is so damaged that there is little else they can do for him, at this point. She has informed the nursing home that is closer and is choreographing the assistance of Hospice care to be with him for the remainder of time he has left. She gently told me that he has 3 to 4 months left, but if family and friends want to see him & be able to communicate with him, then they need to get here in the next couple of weeks. After that, he won't really be able to visit, won't be the person most folks adore and remember.
Maybe I am in shock, just a bit, from the news, because I've been crying off and on, since speaking to his doctor. All I can do is try to be with him, as often as possible, so there may very well be some lags in future posts on my blogs. I am really glad I got the tattoo, now, because I will always have the reminder of the special gift of love that Spouse has been to me this past decade. It may be challenging, over the next few weeks, but I am going to do my damnedest to remain positive and strong for my beloved, to encourage him when he needs it. And when it is time for him to let go & meet the God of his understanding, I will be there with him, granting my blessings and prayers for a peaceful release.
My dear friends, now, more than ever, I covet your prayers, positive energy and good thoughts. Spouse & I have accepted there will be no healing and even though the thought saddens us, we are okay with that. I know that Spouse's fear comes from worrying about me... what will happen to me, after the love of my life has left this plane of existence? Help me, with your prayers, good thoughts and positive energy, to show him I will be okay, heartbroken, but okay, when that day arrives. I have all faith the God of my Understanding will continue to meet my needs on a daily basis, as He always has done before. Let my love meet his rest with a clear conscience and a happy heart. Please help me pray that my gift from God will be able to leave, when the day comes, knowing he will hear the words he longs to hear from his Maker, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant. Well done."