Sunday, September 16, 2007

A Hard Post

The phone woke me this morning, with a nurse from the hospital on the other end of the line. She told me that Spouse had gotten some bad news this morning and he wanted to talk to me, desperately. It was something about what his doctor told him and he was very upset. So, I had her connect me with his room and soon, someone answered the phone for him and held it to his ear.

While I was on the phone with him, my phone beeped (I'm really starting to loathe anything that beeps), so I put him on hold to take the other call. It was his doctor, a nice woman, I think, from the tone of her voice. She made sure I was sitting down and asked if I had spoken to my husband yet. Yes, and he had shared what he understood, enough that he was afraid and crying. So, I asked her to tell me exactly what is going on, please.

You've got to understand that I appreciate honesty, even if the truth is painful, far more than being jerked around with blinders on. Limbo is for pussies & I don't even like to go there. Life is too short, too fragile for folks to hem & haw about important things. So, for this doctor to kindly, but clearly, inform me of Spouse's condition, is a huge blessing, no matter how hard it was to tell me & for me to hear it.

She told me that while Spouse was doing so well on Friday, for some reason, his liver has now begun the shutdown process. It is so damaged that there is little else they can do for him, at this point. She has informed the nursing home that is closer and is choreographing the assistance of Hospice care to be with him for the remainder of time he has left. She gently told me that he has 3 to 4 months left, but if family and friends want to see him & be able to communicate with him, then they need to get here in the next couple of weeks. After that, he won't really be able to visit, won't be the person most folks adore and remember.

Maybe I am in shock, just a bit, from the news, because I've been crying off and on, since speaking to his doctor. All I can do is try to be with him, as often as possible, so there may very well be some lags in future posts on my blogs. I am really glad I got the tattoo, now, because I will always have the reminder of the special gift of love that Spouse has been to me this past decade. It may be challenging, over the next few weeks, but I am going to do my damnedest to remain positive and strong for my beloved, to encourage him when he needs it. And when it is time for him to let go & meet the God of his understanding, I will be there with him, granting my blessings and prayers for a peaceful release.

My dear friends, now, more than ever, I covet your prayers, positive energy and good thoughts. Spouse & I have accepted there will be no healing and even though the thought saddens us, we are okay with that. I know that Spouse's fear comes from worrying about me... what will happen to me, after the love of my life has left this plane of existence? Help me, with your prayers, good thoughts and positive energy, to show him I will be okay, heartbroken, but okay, when that day arrives. I have all faith the God of my Understanding will continue to meet my needs on a daily basis, as He always has done before. Let my love meet his rest with a clear conscience and a happy heart. Please help me pray that my gift from God will be able to leave, when the day comes, knowing he will hear the words he longs to hear from his Maker, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant. Well done."

28 comments:

Cyn said...

oh, sweetie...*sigh* i was so hoping the inevitable wasn't quite so inevitable. even though this can not be much of surprise does not make it any less difficult to endure. but you know..you are so much stronger than what you might think you are right now. you've come so far. you two have shared so much. he will know peace...finally. that i would hope would give you some comfort to consider. cherish what moments you two have left. store away all those wonderful memories. i believe you will be strong not only for him but for yourself. still..let those tears flow. consider them a cleansing. just keep us informed whenever you can. the focus is on you and him now. we'll wait. peace be with you both. *hugz*

Patty said...

I just prayed for him last night, and told God, if he couldn't make him completely well again, then to please make him as comfortable as possible. And to help him understand all that he will be going through.

Take care of yourself and don't over do. I realize you want to spend as much time with him as possible. Does the VA have a place family members can stay over night? Or is it just basically you sleep in a chair? Please know you have friends thinking of you both and sending much love your way.

oldmanlincoln said...

I don't know what anybody can say or write that will take the pain and sorrow away but you will know what to do that is best. Take care of yourself and do the best that you can.

Lady Visine said...

Thank you, Cyn, Patty & Abe. I appreciate your words and prayers, more than my words can convey today. We both knew this time would come, but have hoped it would be many years from now.

I cannot go down there today, because I must kennel my two indoor dogs for the time away, because I will be overnighting down there, sleeping in a chair at his bedside. Our good neighbors will take care of my dogs and cats, of that I have no worry. It's going to hurt the budget, with gas prices what they are, so I won't be spending any funds on motels. Any discomfort I have, compared to Spouse's, is pale. Once we get him transferred to the nursing home, I will find out if it's possible for me to get online with the laptop and keep everyone updated.

*hugs back*

LOTGK said...

Our prayers are with you LV.

LMC said...

I wish there where magic words to ease the pain. I read this and cried. I can't imagine life with out my husband. My prayers are for you and him. I hope your God is with you when you need him. *hugs*

Lizzie said...

love, thoughts, prayers and (((((((HUGS))))))) sent your way.

laughingwolf said...

all you ask, and more, i speed to you both, hon :'(

i'm so sorry to hear of his sudden deterioration, but know you will both continue to be foremost in my mind

hugglees n slobbersnuffs to you

blessed be....

Treasa said...

You always had 'em, you have 'em still.

Ted said...

you are both in my thoughts *hugs*

KingOfAnkh said...

I'm terribly sorry to hear of this sad news, my thoughts are with you both.

BDP said...

both of you are always in our thoughts and hope that both of you would be strong as ever!

Chica said...

*hugs and <3*

Just Like Wine said...

(((Hugs))) you and Hubby gently and send prayers of strength and comfort and much love to you both.

sgr119 said...

I'm so sory tohear that. My prayers are with both of you, for what it's worth. Damn...

selkie said...

how utterly sad .... I am so very very sorry. I always feel that words are so inadequate at times like these but it is all we have to offer. Know that it comes from the heart.

Cam a LOT said...

Words fail me...

My heart is with you, dear.

*hug*

LauriesAsylum said...

This must have been such a hard post for you to write.:(

There are a lot of prayers and thoughts coming your way and I know you will have the courage to see him through this even though it will be hard. ~hugs~

reader Wil said...

I am so sorry for you and your husband. I shall pray for you. I really hope you will look after yourself and take enough rest. Have you got good friends around who you can talk about the things you want to get off your chest and with whom you can cry.

Australosquilla said...

*joins in sending all the prayers and best energy for peace and comfort for you both*

I am so very very sorry to hear of this news, LV. Never give up on a miracle, but if that is not possible then know that strength and love prevail. *sending all my love* XXXXX

- Squilla

Moomin said...

I am so sorry to hear that. I don't pray often, but I did just now. I wish I could give you a proper hug. Stay strong and we will stay strong with you *moomin hug* :(

Dr. Dog said...

Like everybody else said and like I said at the other site. Our thoughts are all with you.

Hey, Kimmi (since I can't send you a private message), are you candidate for any other movies I may be able to provide? You know my tastes, and you've got all I have of WCF already.

Woman of Feathers said...

It doesn't matter how long you have been "expecting" to hear something like this ... it still doesn't make it any easier.

At Dad's request ... his last 2 weeks were right in his living room, where he could look out the window at his lake ...

Cherish each and every moment you can ...

Lots of hugs ... we'll be near you in one fashion or another. If you have Chica's email ... she has mine ... write me and I'll send you my # You can call me anytime ... no matter what time it is ... ok?

Love ya ...

Enid said...

I've been gone for a while. But I do think about you. I have you in my prayers. (((((hugs))))))

Ali-oops said...

Happy 50th Birthday Sis!!! I called this morning to sing Happy Birthday to you but I you weren't there so I had to sing to the machine - I sure hope I didn't break it...smile...

Love ya,

Ali

laughingwolf said...

my sincere condolences in the passing of your beloved alfred, dear kimmi! :'(

laughingwolf said...

i can't post in efx2 :(

Chandramoon said...

I just re-read this today and realised the doctors were pretty accurate in their predictions. I so feel for your loss and my heart is over the pond with you at the moment. Much love to you and yours xxx