Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Pssst! Hey Teacher!!

"Your slip is showing, Mrs. T!"

Had any students or staff at the high school where I substitute teach had been in the hallway, as the secretary was escorting me to the 3rd period classroom I would be teaching in, they might have easily hollered just such a thing. They would be uttering truth, but not in the way most folks might imagine. No, in this case, it was far worse and uber humiliating.

My morning started out nicely enough. I got plenty of sleep last night, after putting in a full day of work yesterday, both as a sub. teacher and a cashier at the grocery store. By quitting time yesterday, I was very ready to kick off the shoes, put on some comfy clothing and inhale a pizza. I did that, too. :) Anyway, I was scheduled to work at the school today, but not as early as I actually went in. When the phone rang this morning, with the secretary calling to see if I might come in early, to help cover another teacher who just learned of a death in the family, I had been trying to decide with skirt I wanted to wear for the day. There were two of them, both nice skirts, comfy and pretty, but tucked away for a long time. In fact, I hadn't seen these skirts since we'd lived in Montana! The container I'd been storing them in was in the basement & I only recently came across it. Yippee! "new" clothes! What I failed to remember was that the container held clothing that was on either swing of the size pendulum... stuff that was either from my skinny days or my beached whale days. Right now, I am kind of in the middle, whilst trying to get back down to my skinnyminny wardrobe.

So, after I got off the phone with the secretary, I quickly showered and got dressed for the day. First problem, the stockings I wore fit really well, until I got them to the hips/butt region. The packaging stated the hosiery was in my size, so I failed to understand why the gluteous region would not stay up. WTF??? Then I dug through the container and found one of my half-slips and it fit well. I figured if need be, I could always pin the pantyhose up to my overbeckies or the half-slip, right? Nuh-uh. I put on my big girl panties, but they decided to be holy rollers today. Damn things would NOT stay up. Maybe it's time to chuck those bad girls and invest in some fresh elastic? hmmmm? Anyhoo, I sucked in my gut, pulled everything back up to my waist and then stepped into my skirt. It was a teensy bit loose, but I thought it would be fine for the day. Yeah. Right. Sure.

I managed to get the Jeep out of the garage, toss the outside doggies a few treats, close the garage door and drive all the way to town in this outfit. My outfit was smart, comfortable and even flattering, in some ways. I drove to school, walked into the building, then to the office. Visited with the secretary, while she filled me in on my responsibilities for the day, with no problems. Everything was staying in place & I was feeling quite confident about what I was wearing. We, the sec. & I left the office and began our trek toward the two classrooms I would be handling today when it happened.

No sooner had we gotten just down the hallway, past the window that students visit when they need to speak to the secretary, when my entire skirt began a slow, slinky decent to my knees. The waistband chose that moment to no longer be elastic. Fortunately, my half-slip decided to stay in place, so here I was, clicking down the hallway in my sensible heels, with the waistband of my skirt around my knees & my scantily clad rear end showing off a pretty beige undergarment! It was also, at that exact moment, when my pantyhose decided the best thing they could do would be to roll the waistband down, all on their own accord, to my crotch area. "What the hell," cried my big girl panties. "Let's roll with 'em!".

Imagine my horror, when I realized my skirt was lengthening itself, leaving my derriere somewhat exposed, albeit slightly shimmery through the slip and a lovely thick waistband that surrounded my groin area. Talk about unsightly panty lines!!! *blush* I caught up my skirt and we returned to the office. A couple of safety pins were scrounged up, attached to the faulty waistlines of skirt & slip, and I was on my way back to the classroom. It was so embarrassing, but hilarious, as well. I am just so glad there wasn't anyone else in the hallway, except the secretary! LOL

Got to love a decent wardrobe malfunction once in a while. Helps me keep from getting too fat-headed. If I word the morning at school tomorrow, before I have to do my afternoon shift at the store, I think I'll go with slacks. Yeah, that just might be a really good idea! ;)