*Requires 2 12-volt batteries... not included*

Well, so far, it looks as if I will survive that nasty cold/flu bug that laid me horizontal for nearly a week. It's been ages since I've allowed myself the pleasure of being that sick and I hope it's a long, long time before I do anything as foolish again! My body put me through a myriad of tempuratures, ranging anywhere between 102.6*F to 96.1*F at any given moment. I ran internal fevers when my skin felt icy to the touch to sweating profusely and having to change jammies twice in a ten minute period. *eeeeeeyyyeeeewwwww*

The most strength I could muster, was enough to get to the mailbox each day, because I was expecting some meds by mail and feeding my outside doggies. Everything else went on hold, basically. I did call my neighbors one day, asking if they might pick up a rack of Sierra Mist and a box of fortune cookies for me. They did, dropped them at my door and fled, per my request, because I surely didn't want them exposed to what I was enduring. Cooking was out of the question, since that required standing for a longer interval than my brain could tolerate. So, I survived on water, the Sierra Mist and the fortune cookies, except for the two grapefruits, one cup-o-soup and one Top Ramen that I managed to fix while my fever was lower. I lost a total of 21 pounds in one week. Kind of a crazy way to lose weight, but I can spare more, so will take it as a blessing.

Day before yesterday, I woke up, feeling much better than I had in days and my temp was nearly normal. What a wonderful feeling! I must admit, I was feeling quite scared for a couple of those days, because I was so weak, it was all I could do to get to the bathroom to even pee, let alone refill my water bottle. I'm still fairly weak, but gaining strength back daily, while trying to not overdo anything.

So, yesterday, I decided I was feeling well enough to run to town, do a couple of errands and maybe get a little take-out or a pizza to munch on for a meal or three. I got dressed, went out to the garage and clicked on the remote for the garage door. Still standing outside in the warm 20-ish temps, I heard the gears begin working, then a horrid screech and crunch of metal and plastic crunching and tearing. The gizmos attached to the top panel of the door pulled away from the garage door, leaving a gaping hold where it once had been attached. All I could think or say was, "Oh shit!" My vehicle is stuck in the garage and there is no way I can fix this alone. I'm going to have to call a pro in to fix that top panel or replace the door. *grumble.. grumble*

So, I went ahead and fed my dogs and bundled up for the trek to town. I HAD to get to the post office, to get a check off to the bank, so my house payment would be covered on time! Had I not been so sick, I would have mailed it sooner & not worried. Oh well, I figured the 4 mile walk would do me some good. After walking about a quarter to half a mile down the lonely, quiet dirt road, I reached the end of my property, where the trees end and the open prairies begin. We're talking about wind now, kids, lots & lots of S. Dakota wind. Um, okay, so maybe I wasn't as bundled as I originally believed. I turned around and began walking back toward home, not wishing to be a topic of interest on the evening news. Heck, it might be days before anyone found my body, since my neighbors are in Minnesota right now.

My garage is a two car number, unattached and has a nice little workshop area. There's a bunch of things that Spouse had piled on one side, like the industrial lathe that's on two sawhorses. I cannot move that puppy a mm, let alone an inch! It took 4 strapping young men to move it to where it still sits. It's also blocking the entrance to the other bay of the garage. I did think I might be able to maneuver my Jeep past it, however, if I were able to get the old woodstove moved over enough, and I shoved those shelves a little further that way.... so I set about pushing, shoving, sliding and grunting the objects until I thought there would be enough space to get the car safely past them.

Then I opened the door, jumped into my Jeep and turned the key. WTF????? I turned the key again. The battery is deader than a doornail. That Jeep ain't going nowhere, not for awhile! So, here I am, snug in my little house on the prairies, owner of two vehicles that both have dead batteries. Without one or two new 12-volt blocks to charge my trusty steeds, I'm not going for any joyrides soon. And you know what? I feel perfectly fine with that. It's really okay, today.

The way I am choosing to view this minor inconvenience, is that the Universe seems to want me to stay home and be safe. Yep, after I went back into the house, I answered a phone call from a dear friend and she told me about her sister, who was just going into surgery for a fractured hip. No sooner had I gotten off the phone with her and I was chatting for a minute with my neighbor's, who are in MN because her dad fell and broke his hip. He had just gotten out of surgery. Whoa! That's two broken hips in less than an hour that I heard about. I am choosing to believe the Universe was protecting me from injury, by keeping my Jeep stuck where it sits.

I have to believe that everything is going to be okay and all will happen when it is supposed to. I am refusing to surrender to negative thoughts and energy!!! Been down that road before and it only attracts more negative crap & I choose to be happy, even if my garage door is broken and the cars won't start. There are plenty of projects I can tackle here, enough food to last me until the snow melts (assuming it will melt before April) and if I run out of smokes, that won't be a bad thing either. I've managed to lose 35 pounds since Spouse died and that's a good start on my reclaiming my own health. These minor challenges with the vehicles and garage are temporary and I know it will all work out, when it is supposed to. Meanwhile, I'm going to enjoy each day and do what needs to be done.

Anyone up for a game of Scrabble? :D

The 4-legged TV tuner

This past week, I realized that perhaps we've begun to develop some habits here, which are effecting poor, little Muffin, my Chihuahua. Take yesterday, for example... I was on the phone, talking with the lady who works for the census peeps. Around 3pm, Muffin began barking in another room and didn't stop. At first, I thought maybe he was at the kitchen door, barking at the cats in the mudroom. It wouldn't be the first time. Anyway, after about 20 minutes of his incessant yapping, I stepped away from the computer and carried the phone into the other bedroom, where Muffin was sitting on my bed, barking his fool head off at Dr. Phil. We generally watch the Ellen Degeneres show at 3, and all I could figure out was that Muffin didn't want to view Dr. Phil. I changed the channels on the television, to Ellen, and he calmed down and watched her show. Weird dog!

Earlier today, he was barking again, I guess because the wrong soap opera was on. Not that I watch the soaps much, but I do sometimes leave the tv on, just so the house doesn't seem so empty. I switched channels again, to the soap that is usually on and he settled down, again staring contentedly at the idiot box.

Right now, I'm sitting in the front bedroom, where my pc is, and I can hear him bitching out Conan O'Brian. How dare he be on Muffin's tv, when everyone should know, by now, that he prefers Craig's delightful accent? The nerve!

Chikki has acted a wee bit strange, now and again, too, recently. The other night, we were all in bed and I was watching something or the other on tv. Chikki uttered a low growl and stared a hole through the closet door. I asked her what was up and she turned her gaze right back to the corner of the room and the closet door. Mind you, there wasn't anything there. Nothing different, that hasn't been there for a few weeks. A couple of times, she has jumped off the bed and stood in front of the doorway to the bedroom and her hackles have risen. I can't count how many times they have leaped from the bed, barking as if an intruder was in the house. They start it and get the outside dogs going, then everyone is in a frenzy. But there's nothing and nobody there... the dogs are just being weird.

There's been a couple of other strange things, items "falling" off the counter or table, a certain noise that is only made when someone steps on a particular floorboard waking me from sleep *and the dogs are still on the bed with me*, little odd things like that. Maybe it's the winter cabin fever getting to me, I dunno. Anyhow, Muffin just came in to check on me, probably wondering why I don't get my arse in the other room and change that darned channel. Bossy little fudgebomber!

BTW - whoever gave me this 3rd edition of the cold/flu can have it back, thank you. Thank goodness I had some Dayquil in the house - my skin, my hair and my eyeballs hurt, but my temp is raging at 97.1*F. Go figure, I feel like I'm burning up, but it's basically no different than a hot flash. :( Send chicken soup, please. I'm going back to bed, as soon as I change channels for Muffin.

Ninja Grandma

Today is another bittersweet day for me. I got word, last week, that my ex-MIL had fallen, breaking her neck. She survived that injury and went in to surgery on Friday. Yesterday evening, she flat-lined, was pronounced and a half-hour later, while the nurse was disconnecting the machines, she had a pulse again. My son sent me a text message, declaring Grandma B was a ninja, cheating death. This morning, however, she finally is at peace, pain-free and in a far, far better place. Damn, I'm sure going to miss her. A lot.

She was one of the best people I've ever had the privilege to know and love. Even after her son & I divorced, she insisted that I would always be family, no matter what. Her life was a hard one, but she dealt with each challenge without faltering. She never had a lot of money, but she was generous with whatever she had, often going without if it meant someone else might be blessed. Rarely, did I hear her complain about her lot in life, when it would be simple to go that route. Instead, she tried to maintain a positive outlook on things, which was more inspiring than I think she ever realized.

These past few years, her health hasn't been all that great and she had severe arthritis in nearly every joint. When we spoke on the phone, she'd mention whether it was flaring up, but then changed the subject as quickly as she could to better, brighter topics. I wish I was half the wonderful woman that she has been. When it comes to getting MILs, I was incredibly blessed, because I also got a dear friend. My heart breaks for her sons, her grandchildren and the many people in their community who shall mourn her passing. I'm still a bit numb, but not surprised, after hearing about her injury. I think she was tired and ready to join Grandpa B. She often spoke of how much she missed him, still after the years he's been gone.

Damn straight, I'm going to the funeral, whenever that shall be, in Oklahoma. There's a blizzard going on right now, with 2-5 feet of snow predicted. Definitely not leaving today, but as soon as I know what the plans are for the family, my plan is to be there for a final farewell and try to support the family in whatever way possible. I'll probably stay in touch with Treasa &/or Etainne, to keep ya'll posted, once I'm on the road.

With that, kids - if ya got 'em, go hug your mother & MIL. Every hug counts and someday, you'll be glad that you did.

*Note to Death: that's 3, so leave me the fuc alone!*

Seeing Stars

For as long as I remember, it's always been fun and fascinating to look to the heavens and watch the stars. I've enjoyed the privilege of viewing stars through some mighty telescopes and hope to someday save enough moolah to buy a nice one for personal use. No, not for peering in my neighbor's windows, but to reacquaint myself with this old pasttime of stargazing. In the meantime, I found a wonderful website that has all sorts of cool tools for anyone who shares my fondness for all things astronomical. I'm going to eventually check out the movie, too... that is mentioned on this site. The neat thing they offer here is a cool real-time star chart, and you can even locate a star that coincides with your birthday... check it out, kids.

Hope you find it as heavenly as I find it.

Seeing in the Dark

Go Here... and be amazed!

Just spent the past little passage of time, viewing this documentary bit from 60 minutes. How I wish I'd seen the original bit when it aired! If you love our planet and want to take a gander at a real unspoiled bit of Earth, check out the clips. It's a bit of a bother, to watch a bit, close it when Andy pops in with his blather, and then click on the next clip, but well worth it. Especially if you want to see a new species of bird and some gorgeous flora. Really - go there now & be amazed. You won't be sorry (unless you have dial-up), I promise.

60 Minutes Paradise

As for me, doing okay - just trying to deal with the stuff & the VA. In & out of insanity, depression and whatnot. My sleep runs helter-skelter, going from sleeping 10 hours straight through to not being able to sleep at all. Apparently, this is a normal reaction in the grieving process. Checking into going back to school, but not sure what I want to be when I grow up. Peter Pan syndrome, anyone?

Big, tremendous thanks to my dear friends here who have sent cards, emails and incredible gifts that have brought much joy and solace during the past couple of weeks. You know who you are & I appreciate you very much.

It's colder than a well-digger's shovel here, at -10*F, with winds that make it feel like -40* to -50*F. I'm so glad the days are getting longer now. Now, my friends, go watch those vids... very impressive. I hope the big corporations don't ever find out about it!

<3>

Pheasant Under Grass

That's where I wish that was right now. Instead, I let the great huntress out to go potty again and she did it again. There's a huge pile of feathers and a portion of a wing on my front porch. It's dark out now, so I'll deal with it tomorrow... somehow. It's not as nasty looking as the deer leg, so I'll find a way to dispose of it, hopefully without having to call the neighbor.

Darn bitch, anyway! On another note, I brought one of the boys in from the garage. Anwar, some of you might remember from when he was born in Montana. His mom, Cricket, had the C-section and he was the only surviving pup of the litter of two. It took nearly 4 hours to get him to a point where he was stablized and he was going to make it, following his birth. I gave him mouth-to-mouth for a couple of those hours, just to keep him breathing. Fed him with a bottle for 4 days, until another of our Entles, Kiki, had whelped her litter. Then she adopted him, because Cricket was too freaked out to be a mommy, after her surgery. He's grown into a handsome boy, a little speshul and very sweet.

So, on the night that Alfred/Spouse died, I came home from the nursing home and pulled into the garage. Once the garage door was closed, so I could feed the kids, I put my hand down by the gate, so they could sniff me, as I told them about Daddy passing on to Rainbow Bridge and being with Hawthorne, Gingerbread, Voltar, Heidipants and the few pups that hadn't made it. As soon as they sniffed my hand, they stopped their ruckus and sat down, quietly & in a straight row. They tilted their heads, as I told them how proud of them their Daddy & I have been and how much he loved them. I then proceeded to feed them and they remained quiet for the rest of the night. I should tell you they are not that kind of dog... in the pack situation, they tend to be rowdy and loud, happy dogs.

Since that night, Anwar has begun to lose weight. I was chatting with Treasa about it and she suggested I bring him in and have a heart to heart talk with him. He's been off his food since that night, so I heeded her advise and brought him in. Today he has eaten twice and seems a little bit better. I truly believe he's been grieving for Spouse and feel bad for not paying better attention. Anwar still seems very sad, so we're going to have a good cuddle at bedtime *my dogs make terrific blankets in winter* and I'll have a good long chat with him. Hopefully, he'll start turning around and will be back to his old silly self soon. Poor baby misses his daddy. Thanks, T, for being there and your advise.

These dogs never cease to amaze me! Deer legs, pheasant wings and all, I'm so grateful they are in my life. <3

There's a 3-Legged Deer Out There...

This morning, I opened the door, as usual, to allow Chikki and Muffin to do their "dooties" outside. Muffin chose to come back in, within minutes, but my darling Chikletz took off for the woods. She was gone so long, despite my calling for her to come home, that I began to worry she might have been shot by some nearby hunters.

She finally returned, moments ago, with a trophy. There is now a bloody deer leg on my front porch, right outside the door. There's a bit of brown paper bag out there, too, so obviously, somebody must have wrapped up the guts and she thought she'd play "great hunter"! She's so proud of her trophy and I'm sooo disgusted!

Spouse always took care of these sort of things... anyone wanna come over and get that nasty dead leg off my porch, please? Please??? Pretty please????

*faints*